So I have recently lost all mediums of expressing myself because nowadays nothing is private anymore. Everywhere and everyone is connected or somehow linked so you can’t exactly say anything without someone reading it. But I like it here; people don’t about it or looks for it so for now it’s still just mine. Twitter used to be it for me, but sadly not anymore. You could just get on and vent about anything, express yourself in words only coherent to you but these days there a zillion people ready to decipher or decode anything the minute you press enter. I guess some people like that sort of attention and I cannot lie, I do too sometimes, but not all the time or most of the time. I actually need a medium of expressing myself like medication. I’m not aware of the sort of person I am yet and thoughts, my thoughts and can be very consuming, depending on the thought itself it could be a bad or good thing. I need somewhere to dump my thoughts; that used to be twitter, but these days it’s so cleaned up with people you know that the excitement of saying something random and having someone you have never met or heard of responding aptly or relating to you. Now you can say something and predict responses and from who. So these days it’s another place I have to go and pretend because the real me don’t need no audience to be ME. It is hard to explain I admit but it’s the one part of me I understand. I think I have accepted that I am not the average but neither am I special, maybe just different. With college and my never ending plans I am fully booked mental wise but I still feel that void once in a while. I’m getting better at realising when God is looking for my attention; He has this way of taking my peace away. I know to some this might seem like nothing but with thoughts like mine it’s a wonder how I am ever able to stay calm, but I know why. Its God, his peace is like my drug, I can do anything for it, not having His Divine peace is like being a container housing these consuming thoughts, or constantly having your vision whipped from side to side violently. I need His peace more than you can ever imagine. Maybe I was made this way so I would always have a link back to God, so that I would always be dependent; because if that was the plan its working beautifully, I will forever hooked to my God. But apart from my junkie like devotion there other things that keep me coming back to Him. He is a loving Father to a very undeserving child, Me. The amount of times I have asked him for direction and safety for plans I know were out of line is crazy! But not half as crazy as the amount of times they have been answered. And how He gets me is what really and truly trips, I know I am tiny and insignificant but at that moment in time I feel Big. I feel special; I feel like royalty that the Almighty can spare time to come see about me! Wow! You know, I’ve somehow forgotten about what this post was supposed to be about but oddly I feel lighter and happier already, no need to carry on…. Like I said He has a way of keeping me linked… Thank You God for everything and for the things I never got round to saying….
