POINTLESS... I KNOW IT

I openly voice out my fears here, i can understand that wanting something bad enough is never ever enough for you to get it... but when there's opposition then what really is the point? You are the eye and core of my affection...you are the princes and heroes i have dreamt of long before i could translate... i had you, then lost you, and thinking about it now, that should have been enough for me to realise that i never really had you.... you don't lose things you had unless by your own doing... but i did nothing wrong... i loved you religiously, i did it right down to the books, if such books exist. But then the saying comes into play, you have to fight to keep things that God didn't give you himself. And now i understand that the first time was enough for me, or should have been enough for me to understand. And to think it happened three times and it only hits home now...the light just came on.... and sometimes i think understanding softens the blow and helps you let go that bit easier.... i love, i really do love, but I'm trying to be smart enough to not love what isn't wholly mine. I have lost you to the same thing over and over... it indicates that there is a connection... not love but a connection....i can't place my finger on it...but its winning over me... it wins every time you sit, take my face in your hands, look into my eyes and say that you love me... yes, even then it wins, 'cause love is not enough, it has never been enough....I am beginning to question if it has any value at all...and if indeed it has no value then i might as well be worthless, 'cause lord knows that's all i have to give.... thats all i have ever given... and yet my connection remains a single string...and what good is that against chains? I wish i was allowed to love for two, because believe me, i have that much love for you....but its worthless and I'm sick of fighting a fruitless battle...one that stops but never ends...one that keeps you engaged for years, while your youth wastes away...only to assure you that you had been defeated from the minute your amour was completely put together.... and that you have never had what it takes to win.... POINTLESS.