DEAR SISTER

My sister, I'm aware that we are to some extent unaware of each other, but still I call you this, from one woman to another..... I call you my sister. I must commend you on your beauty and worth, because no matter how horribly discoloured our souls and hearts maybe they are still worth something, be it nothing at all. I also commend you on all your efforts despite them being regrettably futile..... because at first you see, it might have seemed like you were reaping the fruit of your labour after sowing your seeds in a field that was never yours.... but money makes the world go round they say, and those that say money it isn't everything, are the ones that don't have it.


You thought you could buy this particular field, and congratulations are in order, because it became yours. The funny thing though was that there was nothing uncommonly attractive about this thing you so adamantly sought. But the love and hope I had was infectious and you were hooked. It became your obsession for maybe the poorest of reasons, I will never know. You watched as a sister parted with her investments in silence, you heard the heavy sobs that travelled through the night, but you shut your window. I was a sister but at that moment, guilt left you with a blind eye towards me. And besides, how could you ever see? I was absent from the transaction, and you absent for the loud cracks of my heart and starvation on grief. Your palace high and lofty, no real reason for you to look down below....not even for a sister. So night in and out I rocked myself back and forth missing the one thing that was truly mine. The town's people soon made me the heard but unseen, I was written off as an outcast. With time I gained back what was left of me and thought no more of the departed. I gave up sowing seeds for fear of having yet another part of me bargained away in my absence; I regained myself and spirit and silenced the whispers of mourning ( I was ONLY able to silence them).


It wasn't long before disaster and melancholy followed suit. Your new purchase at first bore plants at a speedy rate, strong and beautiful, you were proud. You boasted of your obvious triumph, those were your seeds blossoming at an alarming rate. But as fast as they blossomed so did they die. You panicked and it caused you great grief at twilight, well wishers of before stood by the way side puzzled. You howled into the night in pain and shame, still no reflection of your past. This field had been YOUR possession, you protested. Your happiness; it had kept you upright in the eye of the public. This thing that you had invested so much in now made a fool of you in the presence of your advisors. The same advisors who cheered you on when you gained possession of it, now stood in your court licking your ego in the most condescending of ways. But still your pain and genuine unhappiness would haunt you at night because unknown to them, this field was YOUR EVERYTHING! So many seeds sown at late hours of the night in secrecy, seeds that you couldn't let anyone know about, not even your advisors, now all wasted. And that was the cause of your greatest pain, the lost of these seeds, what could have blossomed but now, never will. With time the shame became unbearable, this field was barren, the  sight of it was as unpleasant as the significance it held. You ordered its removal, claiming it had been laced with infestations from the start. 


At first I did not know what to do with it, it was my possession when it left but came back something a bit different. For days I watched on with no action. I was reluctant to sow anything for fear of going through YOUR heart ache. Your pain had become legendary and I was in no rush to add to that particular history. But still there was something in me aching to get out there... Weeks flew with still nothing and I watched on. But at the first sign of growth I began to feel alive again, as though I myself were growing too. I worked hard at its restoration, it took some time. mother nature had been interfered with, its natural course had not been run and damage sat deep in the roots. Day and night I toiled.... my blood...... my sweat.... my tears. But as usual you were not there to witness my care, so you could never have known. But is it or was it enough to assume that as your only flaw?


 You are a sister, and as one you would have felt all that I feel for this field in your past, and you should have recognised the truth and pureness of it all. But sadly you must have been consumed with a hunger and need so deep that instincts failed you. I became INVISIBLE and you INVINCIBLE. But still on nights like this where  I sit and muse over my possession, I cannot help but wonder about you, a sister. My heart aches for you. I shed hidden tears for you and your loss, because even though rage so vivid should nest in my soul, I cannot help but feel not for you but with you. I too am a sister and feel only what you feel but will not show. I too have looked on others covetously and felt my heart turn green, but atlas, it was all I can do.....just look. See I am moved by ownership and self worth. I believe in letting your possession claim you and not you claiming what has not chosen you. So, on nights like these, I pray such attributes on you, that they my guide you to what is truly yours..... Because when the nights are darkest and cold, it is enough to warm you from the inside, it is enough to generate a bubble of peace for yourself.... and most importantly it is enough for you to never lose sight of a SISTER.